


Beware The Cunning Of The Snake

by goldenzingy46



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bunny Farm Escapee, Crack, Haha there is no plot I’m making this up as I go along, Harry Potter is an idiot, M/M, Nobody likes Umbridge, Plot Bunny, Time Travel, irregular updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 11:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21710341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenzingy46/pseuds/goldenzingy46
Summary: A Godric Gryffindor/Salazar Slytherin story, in which they get dragged forward in time by Harry being an idiot. Now in Harry’s fifth year, they have to deal with me making up a plot as write, in the middle of the night, with no coffee.As usual, I do not own the characters, setting, or anything else of the multi-millionaire Harry Potter franchise, Fantastic Beasts franchise, Cursed Child franchise or anything else belonging to JK Rowling and Warner Bros.
Relationships: Godric Gryffindor/Salazar Slytherin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	Beware The Cunning Of The Snake

Beware The Cunning Of The Snake 

A Godric Gryffindor/Salazar Slytherin story, in which they get dragged forward in time by Harry being an idiot. Now in Harry’s fifth year, they have to deal with me making up a plot as write, in the middle of the night, with no coffee.

As usual, I do not own the characters, setting, or anything else of the multi-millionaire Harry Potter franchise, Fantastic Beasts franchise, Cursed Child franchise or anything else belonging to JK Rowling and Warner Bros.

***

“No, Harry, stop! You’ve got to stop!” Hermione screamed. 

“Harry, mate, we don’t even know what happens if we put a time turner in that box!” Ron added.

“Yeah, but ‘Mione, Ron, it’s an experiment! We’ll never know if we don’t try!” Harry reasoned, shoving the time turner into the box, right in the centre of the great hall, with everyone staring at him.

“Oi! Potter! [Pottah! I’m sorry... I’ll go now] Did you just shove a time turner into a magical object? 

That was Draco Malfoy for sure. However, before Harry could come up with anything witty to say, an explosion sent him, Hermione and Ron flying backwards as a bright white light filled the hall.

“Mr. Potter! What have you done! Detention with me tonight!” 

Well, there was the shrieking voice of the toad. But they had no choice but to watch through the little glass window on the box as the time turner spun around, although all the sand had been drained out of it and was flying round the box madly. Voices began to come from the blinding light...

~~~

“I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks.”

~~~

“Nymphadora Tonks! Will you stop tripping over things!”

“Sorry, Professor McGonagall,”

“Here, Tonks, let me help you with that.”

“Oh, thanks, Charlie!”

~~~

“Remus, you keep disappearing. I want to know what’s wrong.”

“Sirius— I’m— I can’t tell you, I’m sorry...”

“Remus, I love you from the bottom of my heart, but James is going to murder me if I don’t find out, and you wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“Sirius, I’m a werewolf.”

~~~

“We can be Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs!”

“Hey, we should put that on the map!”

“Great idea Prongs, we should put anti-Snape protections on it too!”

“Why my dear Padfoot, you are right!”

~~~

“Sirius, will you stop flirting with yourself in the mirror?”

“Why, Moony? I just look so handsome I can’t help it!”

“Only I’m allowed to flirt with you!”

“Wait, what?!”

~~~

“Sev, they’re evil!”

“Lily, I’m sorry, but it’s hard enough being in Slytherin and friends with a Gryffindor, it’s not your fault, but I have to have allies on Slytherin, too.”

“It’s okay Sev, just don’t turn out like them, I think they follow Voldemort!”

“It’s fine, Lils, I would never.”

“Best friends again?”

“Always.”

~~~

“I don’t need help from a filthy little Mudblood like you!”

“Oh really, _Snivellus_? In that case, I’d suggest you wash your underpants.”

“Wait— Lily I’m sorry—”

“Ooh, Snape, lost yourself your girlfriend?”

“Get lost, Potter!”

~~~

“I killed my parents today.”

“Riddle! You don’t joke about that!”

“Black, who said I was joking?”

~~~

“Say, Abraxas, if I were to change the Knights of Walpurgis into, say, Death Eaters, do you think I’d lose followers?”

“No, my Lord, we will follow you forever.”

~~~

#"Salazar Slytherin, greatest of Hogwarts four"#

~~~

“I don’t like Dumbledore. He’s always watching me.”

“We know, Orion and I have always listened to you whine about him.”

“Shut up, Malfoy, dark lords do not whine!”

~~~

“Hey, Tom—“

“That is not my name, anymore, my name is Lord Voldemort!”

~~~

“Albus, this Grindelwald, he’s bad news—“

“Shut up Aberforth, this is not the time and place!”

“Ooh, the Dumbledore brothers are fighting again!”

~~~

“Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore!”

“Abe. What do you want?”

“You! Ariana is dead because of you and your stupid crush!”

“I- I’m not gay, Aberforth!”

~~~

“My daughter! My daughter is dead!”

“Oh I hope Rowena will be okay, I don’t think she has been quite right since Helga died...”

“Me neither, Salazar, me neither. Does a bedroom interest you?”

“Very much, my sweet Gryffindor.”

“Very well then, shall we depart, my cunning snake?”

“Let us go, cowardly lion.”

“Oi! Cowardly lion? I said cunning snake!”

Shapes were beginning to form within the light, taking the shape of two men, one with long black hair and emerald eyes, taller and slimmer and more elegant, the other precisely the same height,a matching 6ft, but broader and stockier, with a mane of wild red hair, kissing passionately. 

And as the light cleared further, they were left with no choice but to accept that these were their founders, Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin.


End file.
